How To Be Better

"Does this make me look fat?" "Is she prettier than me?"  Men hate these questions, or so they say.  They claim to hardly even notice our fat parts and that, of course, we will always be beautiful in their eyes.  Women should be confident, they declare!  We should be.  Yet, these questions are more or less inevitable.  The media, women's magazines in particular, have major impacts on women's self-evaluations of themselves.  We are told to be confident (because confidence is sexy) but also to wear this, lose all of that, and pluck/nip/tuck those.  The media sends the conflicting message that women ought to be sexy, seductive, and mysterious like men want us to be, but also just as successful, athletic and independent as men are supposed to be.  Women should exude the "traditional female" mystique of sexiness and coyness, but at the same time, incorporate a "modern" powerful ideal that can rival any man's sense of masculinity.  Both the "traditional" and "modern" responsbilities given to women convey that the underlying message is still the same: improvement.  Women should become "more" of whatever it is we are or could be, and in every sense, just be better.

 

It is almost an unstated (atleast not outright) duty of women to be sexy and beautiful.  In The Cult of Thinness, Sharlene Nagy Hesse-Biber states, "Most women feel their bodies fail the beauty test, and the American health and beauty industry benefits enormously from continually nurturing feminine insecurities.  If women are busy trying to control their bodies through dieting, excessive exercise, and self-improvement, they are distracted from other important aspects of selfhood that might challenge the status quo" (p 63).  True, this seems like a big conspiracy theory set up to make women fail, but it sounds familiar.  If women were not locked into "self-improvement" mode, we would have more time to learn, grow, and be happy.  Magazines depict perfection and convince women to attempt unattainable standards; a cycle of reaching and failing is essentially put into motion once teendom begins and magazines are suddenly appealing.  It is only the industry that benefits here.    

 

The contradictory "traditional" and "modern" expectations of women would seem confusing to anyone.  In her article, The More You Subtract, The More You Add: Cutting Girls Down to Size, Jean Kilbourne argues, "At the same time there is relentless pressure on women to be small, there is also pressure on us to succeed, to achieve, to 'have it all.'  We can be successful as long as we stay 'feminine'... One of the many double binds tormenting young women today is the need to be sophisticated and accomplished, yet also delicate and childlike" (p 263).  Bien sur.  If women were to actually achieve this impossible feat, we would be walking around in business suits with an innocent and demure expression.  There is little hope for trying to make sense of the contradictions.  So, the next time you come across a glossy magazine that claims to offer the best sex tips, new beauty tricks, and 101 ways to be a "better you," turn up your nose, flip your hair and walk away.  Confidence is key.

Works Cited

Hesse-Biber, Sharlene Nagy. The Cult of Thinness. Oxford University Press. 2007.

Kilbourne, Jean. The More You Subtract, The More You Add: Cutting Girls Down to Size. Simon & Schuster. 1999.